Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
