We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I checked into jail on foursquare
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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