she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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