I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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