I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
