I think my vagina is haunted
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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