his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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