oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
