Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your cock deserves a montage
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
