my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
