There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
