according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
