Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
