I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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