I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
