it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
