do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
