She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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