I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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