i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize