the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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