I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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