So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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