just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize