U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
