what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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