one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sex in a hospital.. check
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