Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
