if you like me you must not know who I am
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
