I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
