wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
