Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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