You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
