Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
