The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize