I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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