come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
