I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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