I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
