I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
