I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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