So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just cut my nipple shaving
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's paint friendship bongs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
