Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
birth control should be required to get into college
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
