another moral hangover. fuck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
