i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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