im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
