hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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