I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
