I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
