Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
