Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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