sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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