Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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