i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
