i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
