Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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