It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
