I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
