we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
