Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
