He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
