A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
