we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
