You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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