Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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