It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
