thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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