she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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