you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
