I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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