i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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