i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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