can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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