Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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