everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
