mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize