Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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