oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize