i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
