You work out of a Hotel?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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