Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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