I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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