Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
