Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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