Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
