I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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