the day after is always just damage control
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
