hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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