also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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