So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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