I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
