You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
