Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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