I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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