dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
