my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
