Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
