i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
