I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
